If you’ve ever been interested in BDSM, you might be wondering how couples actually incorporate this fun practice into the bedroom. How do I bring it up with my partner, how do I get my partner interested, and how do I know when too much is too much? Whether you want to try breast bondage or a sex swing, you might not quite know where to begin.
The good news is, incorporating BDSM into the bedroom is super easy: there are plenty of beginner-friendly sex toys to make use of and help the whole process run smoothly. Whether you’re a 50 Shades fanatic or you’re a total beginner looking to try something new, our beginner’s guide will help guide you through the ins and outs of this fetish. (Pardon the pun!)
But first, what is BDSM, and why should you try it?
BDSM (Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism) is an umbrella term for sexual power play. Very often, BDSM takes place inside the dynamics of a romantic relationship and can be explored in two ways. For most couples, their relationship remains conventional in their day-to-day lives, while the sexual dynamics of their relationship reflect one of control and power transfer.
In other, rarer couples, BDSM is simply a way of life: whether it be in the bedroom or in their everyday lives, the couple enjoys a consensual power dynamic in which one partner plays a submissive role and the other a dominant one. Given that polling has revealed that over 50% of all American men and women have a power-play-related fantasy, the best time to start exploring BDSM play was yesterday!
What are the benefits of BDSM?
The benefits of BDSM are widely known: many sex therapists might even recommend BDSM to struggling couples as a way of liberating tension in the relationship. While it’s certainly unconventional, the science seems to suggest that couples who enjoy practicing BDSM enjoy higher rates of sexual and relationship satisfaction than those who don’t.
One study revealed that couples who enjoyed BDSM reported higher levels of relationship security, higher levels of satisfaction in their relationship and were overall more satisfied with their sex lives than those who didn’t practice BDSM. So, what is it about BDSM that makes it so great for couples?
Increased Trust
When you voluntarily transfer power to another person, you can’t help but enjoy a little trust boost at the same time! By depending on one another in moments of vulnerability, BDSM enthusiasts deepen their emotional connections and develop a strong foundation of trust between one another.
Happier Sex Lives
It’s obvious that a healthy exploration of fantasies is great for any sex life, whether you’re a newlywed couple or 30 years into a marriage. The science backs this theory up: one study analyzing the effects of BDSM on long-term relationships found that individuals whose fantasies remained “unexplored” reported the lowest level of relationship and sexual satisfaction.
So what does that tell us? Being able to be open with your partner about your fantasies is important when it comes to overall relationship satisfaction and even longevity. This is where BDSM comes in: couples can use BDSM as a stepping stone to explore their shared sexual fantasies and help them come to life together.
Stress Relief
BDSM practice has also been recently linked to lower levels of stress. In one study from 2013 on the profile of BDSM practitioners, those who explored BDSM were found to report lower levels of neuroticism and relationship anxiety than those who participated mostly in “vanilla” or conventional sex.
When we consider that stress can often be a relationship killer (alongside lack of intimacy), what better to combine stress-busting with some intimate time with your partner? Whether you indulge in some breast bondage or get creative with a sex chair and some restraints, you’ll be lowering your cortisol and having orgasms at the same time – what’s not to like?
How to Incorporate BDSM into the Bedroom
Now that you’re clued up, how do we start incorporating BDSM into the bedroom? Follow our guide below to ensure you have the best BDSM experience ever:
Talk with your partner
It’s important to communicate with your partner before engaging in any type of BDSM behavior. BDSM might be about power transfer and dominance, but above all, it’s about respecting enforced boundaries. Before you begin, establish a safe word and pledge to always respect it.
Set the mood
When it comes to BDSM, the ambiance is everything. You want to create an atmosphere that is overly sexualized in nature: think of passionate reds and deep blacks, combined with dim lighting and a centerpiece to use for play (this can be a bed, but some couples will also use sex swings and sex chairs.) Cover up any flowery bedding with blankets, add candles (safely) to add to the atmosphere, and keep the room as minimalist as possible.
The Best BDSM Sex Toys
Now that you’ve communicated with your partner and established your DIY “sex dungeon,” all you need to do is choose a fun BDSM toy or BDSM concept to start exploring together in the bedroom. We’ve listed the best types of BDSM play below, but there are many BDSM practices to choose from.
Ball Gags
Ball gags are a great beginner-friendly BDSM toy. If you or your partner is submissive and loves surrendering control to their dominant partner, what is more submissive than surrendering the ability to express yourself verbally? Adding a ball gag really heightens tension, especially during more passionate sex, which might normally procure a lot of expressive moaning or dirty talk!
How to use a ball gag: Simply place the ball gag in the mouth of the submissive partner during play for some thrilling, intense power play.
Fantasy Dildos
If you want to take the term “BDSM dungeon” to a whole new level, don’t be afraid to bring in some sex toys that allow you to indulge in mythical fantasies that are perfect for power play. For instance, a dragon dildo can give you a whole new way to role play.
You can also seek out toys that mimic other characters, creatures, or monsters that suit BDSM themes well, including vampires, pirates, giant sea creatures, or demons.
Breast Bondage
Breast bondage is quickly becoming the new go-to BDSM play for couples, especially beginners. What makes breast bondage so great? While boobs already look great naked, adding some ropes, tape or chains makes them look even better! Breast bondage can even heighten the sensations in the nipples for some enthusiasts.
How to do breast bondage: Breast bondage can be explored through simple open lingerie, rope play, or some more intense leather harnesses. Use breast bondage as a way to focus on sensations: why not try some wax play or incorporate nipple clamps into your breast bondage?
Sex Swings and Chairs
If you’re feeling more adventurous, incorporate a sex swing or sex chair into your BDSM play. These bedroom accessories make for ultimate creativity when it comes to finding freaky positions but also make it easy to suspend or tie a partner during some bondage BDSM play.
How to use a sex swing or sex chair: Use the sex swing or sex chair as the centerpiece in the room where you practice BDSM. Use the sex swing to discover fun positions where you can explore your dominant or submissive side, or use the swing or chair to have better access to your partner.
Bondage and Restraint Kits
When we hear “BDSM,” we tend to picture somebody in handcuffs or getting tied up whilst blindfolded. While BDSM is more complex, we make these associations for a good reason! BDSM play does involve a lot of bondage and restraining, and bondage kits are a great beginner-to-intermediate BDSM toy for any couple testing the waters with power play.
Bondage kits typically come with handcuffs, blindfolds, and other restraints, such as a ball gag or ropes for breast bondage. Investing in a bondage kit can be the easiest way to begin your BDSM journey together, allowing you to experiment with what feels good without being tied down (pardon the pun) to one concept or toy.
How to use a bondage and restraint kit: Use a bondage kit to tie up your partner (or have your partner tie you up!) and experiment with the sensation of having total control (or zero control!) From here, you can incorporate other types of play, such as sensation play, breast bondage, or teasing and edging your partner.
Verdict?
Whether you opt for breast bondage, a sex swing, or simply test the waters with a beginner-friendly ball gag, BDSM is sure to enhance your sex life and improve your overall relationship. Make sure to respect one another’s boundaries and always make use of a safe word for more intense BDSM play.
